And then I became involved in a committed relationship.

Now I can imagine what some of you may be thinking, and you are exactly right!  I kept my high school girlfriend around until I found someone I really wanted to settle down with.  Kim allowed me so much free reign that I did not out her in the marriage-potential category.

Kim was a grown woman, highly intelligent and extremely capable of making her own decisions.  She was a willing participant in all out comfort zone connections, and she never communicated that she might want something more.  Perhaps, like me, she was just keeping me around until her desired commitment came into the picture—but I found someone else first.

Here’s the deal on the reconnecting with an old flame.  Are you looking for comfort or commitment?  Are you chasing a false sense of security in a familiar yet but ultimately stagnant situation?  Or have you developed a set of standards that must be lived up to before you reengage in intimate relationship behavior?  Are you moving to the tick-tock of your biological clock, or are you allowing the inner rhythms of high self worth, integrity and self-respect to dictate your position?

Kim was never anything but kind and supportive of me.  But she didn’t ask for anything of me and because she allowed me to keep coming in and out of her life, we didn’t evolve into something significant.  And it’s not to say that we would have gotten married and lived in committed bliss, but we didn’t even put ourselves on that road of possibility.

So if you’re thinking about reconnecting, rekindling or revisiting a previous relationship, ask yourself the key questions:  am I seeking comfort, or am I seeking a commitment to high standards that we can both agree on?  Am I acting out of a sense of desperation or restoration to the high place that I have always been worthy of?  Is this going to be a new and improved opportunity for growth, sharing and development, or is it going to be the same old thing?  And after you’ve answered honestly, take a long look in the mirror and say “thank you” for making the choice that matches up with the highest opinion of yourself.

My first long-term relationship ended up being on and off for eight years.  Kim* and I were high school sweethearts for two years, and then we went off to different colleges and dated sporadically {if it’s sporadic it’s not dating} until we graduated.  After college, I went to work and she went to graduate school.  We were supposed to be moving on, but we would always find little pockets of comfort to connect in  {this really means, “i kept calling her to get the booty because i knew she’d never say no”}.  We never discussed our intentions {in 8 whole years?  i find that pretty hard to believe. she never even dropped a hint?  in almost a decade?  brother please, i must look like an amateur.  do you see me riding a little bicycle with a hat and a little vest like a little monkey?}.  We {I} just enjoyed the fact that no matter what was happening in our respective worlds, we could always come back “home.”  This pattern continued for years.

And then I became involved in a committed relationship. {“And then I BECAME involved”?  Don’t you love it when men craftily use passive language?  As if that shit just happened without his effort.  As if you were walking down the street and you unexpectedly saw a relationship happening and it just hit you on the head, riiiiiiiight?  lmao.}

Now I can imagine what some of you may be thinking, and you are exactly right!  I kept my high school girlfriend around until I found someone I really wanted to settle down with.  {“…cause Kim damn sure wasnt the one and i knew she wasnt ever since highschool.  look at my picture.  now look down.  now look at me again.  I’m fine.  I can do much better than Kim.  Much better.”} Kim allowed me so much free reign that I did not out her in the marriage-potential category.  {so it’s her fault you didn’t see her as much more, right?  please!  eat shit and die bro…}

Kim was a grown woman, highly intelligent and extremely capable of making her own decisions.  {“…so it’s not my fault.  If i lead her on, she should have seen right through me.  she’s got a graduate degree you know?”} She was a willing participant in all out comfort zone connections, and she never communicated that she might want something more.  {“…and true, i never communicated that i definitely didn’t want anything with her, even though i knew it from the start.”} Perhaps, like me, she was just keeping me around until her desired commitment came into the picture—but I found someone else first. {Gasp!!!  What a coincidence that his came first.  Hmmm.  Notice how he never mentions who Kim was dating or if she was even dating anyone else at all.  Curious, right?}

Here’s the deal on the reconnecting with an old flame.  Are you looking for comfort or commitment?  Are you chasing a false sense of security in a familiar yet but ultimately stagnant situation?  Or have you developed a set of standards that must be lived up to before you reengage in intimate relationship behavior?  Are you moving to the tick-tock of your biological clock, or are you allowing the inner rhythms of high self worth, integrity and self-respect to dictate your position?

Kim was never anything but kind and supportive of me.  {i wonder why that is.  maybe it was because she saw and hoped that you two had a future together} But she didn’t ask for anything of me and because she allowed me to keep coming in and out of her life, we didn’t evolve into something significant {because you obviously had no say in the matter, right?  all she had to do was say the word and–poof–you two would have become something serious.  riiiiiiight!}.  And it’s not to say that we would have gotten married and lived in committed bliss, but we didn’t even put ourselves on that road of possibility. {so you’re basically saying that even if she did act differently, the result would not have been  any different.  at least now we’re getting a little honesty out of you….}

So if you’re thinking about reconnecting, rekindling or revisiting a previous relationship, ask yourself the key questions:  am I seeking comfort, or am I seeking a commitment to high standards that we can both agree on?  Am I acting out of a sense of desperation or restoration to the high place that I have always been worthy of?  Is this going to be a new and improved opportunity for growth, sharing and development, or is it going to be the same old thing?  And after you’ve answered honestly, take a long look in the mirror and say “thank you” for making the choice that matches up with the highest opinion of yourself.  {this is actually some very good advice.  I wonder where Kim is now.  oh well, guess it doesnt matter.}