Loser!
Forgive me for the title of this post. I know it’s a bit jarring, especially coming from a woman who considers herself to view women as the most beautiful, intelligent, resilient, creatures to walk the earth. Yes, contrary to what’s implied by this blog title, in general, I’m more partial and more sympathetic to the women folk because I believe that we are, if not exceedingly so, slightly superior to men. Of course I don’t believe this on an intellectual level, as I’m sure you know that the reason for my slight bias is owing to the fact that I am a woman. Temporarily casting aside the foregoing belief, women, yeah, when it comes to relationships, you suck.
Here’s why:
It’s been my personal observation that women, myself included, have a tendency to not live in the real world. It’s as if men interpret the world in numbers while we interpret the world in colors. Basically, men tend to require a little more concrete evidence of everything before they are actually comfortable with proceeding with anything they’re like to pursue. Women, on the other hand, are usually more content with the obscure, intangible nature of the abstract world. Don’t believe me? Take religion for example: faith, spirituality, and belief in the supernatural is about as abstract as anyone can get. It comes as no surprise that by almost all accounts, women sizably outnumber men as members of religious organizations and are far more likely to report faith in God or other spiritual belief. There’s a host of sociological reasons for why this is the case, however, I’m quite confident that the aforementioned plays a significant role in this phenomenon.
While it’s true that love can be wildly unpredictable and thoroughly emotional, there is a rational component to love that must be recognized and utilized if one has any hopes of becoming successful in a relationship. Oftentimes, women are lacking in this area and this, I’m afraid, has put us at a serious disadvantage when it comes to our romantic relationships with men. Now, I am in no way suggesting that men experts at being rational and objective. Clearly, they are not. Just look at John Gosselin. I’m just saying that men tend to be a bit more realistic when it comes to love and they are more capable of predicting positive/negative outcomes and avoiding obvious relationship pitfalls. Also, allow me to point out that men have many other shortcomings—such as pretending to be invulnerable and unemotional—that make them less than perfectly capable of loving and be loved.
Based upon my observation, a man will try his damnedest to avoid doing anything he finds undesirable unless it’s apparently justifiable to him why he should doing it or unless he knows that doing it will be physically, emotionally, or financially gratifying in the long run. A woman, in pursuit of her romantic aspirations, will do just about anything no matter how silly and or apparent that doing so will bring her physical or emotional distress, as long there is at least some glimmer of hope that the results will be positive. This, my friends, is the picture of insanity.
No, this is not meant to represent a woman with a guide dog.
Take for instance the comments left on my wall to my most recent blog post entry about dating men with money. I cautioned that dating men who are extremely wealthy can be a bit more of a challenge than dating men who are less well-off financially. This is a viewpoint shared and accepted by many. However, I wasn’t the least bit taken aback by the comments left by two very near and dear friends of mine. These are both attractive, kind, giving, and intelligent women, yet, their comments were as clear as a rainy Seattle day. See for yourself:
“I think it is as easy to love any man. Now love does not cover everything, but it covers a multitude. If dude is treating you right. . .”
and
“I’ve tried both, and let me just say that True Love does not care about either. When you truly LOVE someone, believe me, you could care less about what they have or do not have, because you can and will supplement the rest! The issue for me is not about $$ because all too often, the world makes it seem as if women are constantly going after the dudes with the deep pockets; But rather what, where and how can he contribute? I’m not saying money doesn’t matter (because try sitting in the cold and dark being hungry and then tell me that love is all you need); But what I’m trying to convey is that in this multi-faceted thing we call LOVE, it is often the choices the individual has made that has lead them to a certain point; LOVE itself is always enough, but reality is a whole ‘nother matter!”
Um, yeah, I was thinking the same thing: Huh? !?! I know it’s Facebook and sometimes we are typing so fast we don’t have a chance to collect our thoughts and convey them as clear as we would otherwise, but, I’m sure that under different circumstances, their responses would have been the same or striking similar to the ones they posted here.
While these women may possess all of the great qualities I mentioned above, at the end of the say, they are still women and like many women, they’ve been trained to interpret relationships through a glass-half-full mentality. Notice how quickly women come to Love’s defense and protect its reputation by speaking to its ability to “conquer all,” as the cliché goes? For some reason, we women are not just optimistic, we’re reflexively optimistic. And rather than acknowledging the reality of this well-known phenomenon—“mo’ money mo’ problems”—the first thing we do is look for and cite to the exception. Although, I can’t say unequivocally that my way of thinking is superior to any one else’s, I am tempted to say that it’s this type of thinking that contributes to why women get the short end of the stick in relationships. Usually, when we are misled, mistreated, misused, and exploited sexually in relationships, it’s because we like to overlook the glaring bright signs that suggest that that person or that relationship may not be any good for us. Instead, we eagerly search for the silver lining and put our faith in possibility that things might work out in our favor. Unfortunately, this method hasn’t been working for us too many of us.
The even sadder conclusion is that, more than likely, most of us women won’t change (at least not until we’ve gotten our asses kicked around the block so hard that we finally decide that a new way of looking at things might be in order). If you’re a woman and you’re reading this, right now, ask we speak, I can bet that most of you are resisting what I’m saying here and coming up with a million reasons why I’m wrong about this. I can’t take it personal because I know that this type of reasoning is so deeply ingrained in us. But I’d be a liar if I said that this didn’t bother me a little . Telling women what women need to know but don’t necessarily want to hear is like trying to fill up a bucket with a hole in the bottom with water–it’s futile.
Look, relationships are hard enough as it is. The last thing any woman needs is to continue to buy into the illusion of ‘love can conquer all” or that “if you believe, regardless of what a man does to you, you can achieve (love, that is).” While there is certainly a place for hope and optimism, we must not allow them to act as substitutes for common sense and rational thinking. I guarantee you that once you change the way you look at this, you’ll be able to save yourself a lot more heartbreak and uncertainty. Uncertainty in love is a bitch. But once you open your eyes to what’s in front of you, you’ll find that there wasn’t much to be uncertain about to begin with. Lead with your mind, not with your heart.
Until next time,
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