Relationships go two ways. Real “relationship advice” requires a collaborative effort. ~fsg
I have spies
Shhhh…
I have a secret.
I am a woman.
{insert dramatic display of surprise here}
As a result, I am not able to produce* these blogposts all by myself. I have an incredible (and I do mean credible), smart, talented, and diverse team of technical advisers [male friends, lover(s), older men (my dad and my best male friend’s dad), younger men (my younger brother and his cohorts), and an array of miscellaneous dudes from the barbershop to the seafood section of the grocery store] who contribute to these posts. I also read extensively on men and male culture because let’s face it, I am not a man, I will never be one, and I will never be able to think like one.
Fortunately, this puts me at a unique advantage when it comes to dispensing relationship advice. For one, I have the privilege of seeing things from both the male and female perspective. Second, since I am not a man, I don’t have a dog in the fight. Now, since I’m a woman writing this blog for women, depending on whom you ask, my posts have a slight to considerable bias in favor of women. However, I have absolutely no interest in hiding or suppressing anything from you. Third, it’s hard to see yourself outside yourself. Because the men who write “relationship blogs” are participants and dominant actors in the system they are reporting on, they generally only report male behavior, they rarely actually examine male behavior.
If you can’t tell by now, this post is about male-authored relationship blogs.
What’s a girl to do when she reads a blog that’s (allegedly) dedicated to answering women’s dating questions or helping women resolve their relationship problems when the overall message in the piece is “Hey, this is what we guys do, we like doing it, and we’re not going to stop doing it, so deal with it”? I personally don’t find this much helpful, if at all. Yet, not surprisingly, the women seem to eat it up (I’ll address why that is another day).
How can women be expected to empathize with men’s behavior if we don’t understand it? Not only do most of us NOT understand it, we can barely wrap our heads around it. They expect us to just stop complaining about what they do when they haven’t even done the work of providing a thorough explanation (rational or not) for why they do what they do. I’m sorry, but if you want to put someone at ease, especially a woman, she’s gonna need an explanation.
- Caution:: the male relationship blogger = part geek + part experienced dater + part nice guy + part liar
In my observation, male bloggers seem to be more preoccupied with brevity, keeping the posts lighthearted, longevity (i.e. spreading the posts out), hiding the information between jokes and clever analogies, and most of all, not offending their male brethren by being careful not to violate the sacred male code of secrecy. While it’s thoroughly entertaining at times, oftentimes, it’s lacking in objectivity and if the blog is not accomplishing it’s stated purpose, it’s of very little use or value to me.
I am a skeptic by nature. Regardless of how novel or ingenious, I am not easily amused or convinced by the things other people say and do. Very little escapes my scrutiny. In real life, this makes me a not very likable person. But fuck if I care! Lucky for me, I like my damn self enough to soldier on and do what I gotta do. I also happen to be very good at what I do—which is unearthing the truth (or some aspect of it), and bringing it to the surface. Don’t worry. This is not a “hi hater” moment. That is not my life. I do not have an axe to grind against any person or any blog in particular. That’s wack! However, since I do give advice, why should this be any different?
The purpose of this post is not to discourage you from reading male blogs, it’s to warn you against relying too heavily on them just because the person dispensing it happens to have a penis. Go ahead. Laugh, be entertained, enjoy a fresh male perspective, but don’t kid yourself. Men have a vested interest in protecting their egos (and the public image of their gender) and they are just as vulnerable of easily buying into all the pop shit junk-science propagandized by the media. Now, by no means do I mean to suggest that everything contained in this blog is authoritative, certain, or true. I’m just saying it’s better than all that other stuff (yes, I said better). Ultimately, you must trust your instincts, use your head, and more important, dismiss anything that doesn’t make sense to you. Because if it doesn’t make sense to you, it’s useless.
Anyhow,
Ciao & remember to be kind to yourself!!!
_______________________
*I write all my own posts myself but if you see a post that’s not original, I cite my source and I always name the author.
**Likewise, there are many female “relationship bloggers” who don’t have a clue about what they’re talking about and there are those that are on some radical feminist trip in which they express lofty ideals that are not practicable and thus in the context of relationship advice, it amounts to nothing. Don’t listen to that shit either.
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