for Single Girls

Hollywood and Women

for SingleGirls — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 01:54:02 +0000

Message to Single Women Who Want Children: “Have a Baby on Your Own”

for SingleGirls — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 23:37:50 +0000

Boys to Men…

for SingleGirls — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 20:14:21 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

OPRAH:: single women…you are enough

for SingleGirls — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 06:14:58 +0000

Relationship Advice [Video]

for SingleGirls — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 17:35:03 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Kim Kardashian’s H8ter

for SingleGirls — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 17:59:30 +0000

Relationship Advice from the TODAY show

for SingleGirls — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 03:11:10 +0000

Winston Bennet: Sex Addict

for SingleGirls — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 08:34:00 +0000

Click to watch:: Winston Bennett Discusses His Sex Addiction by WildcatWorld

Can Children Thrive in Household Where the Parents Aren’t Married?

for SingleGirls — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 23:41:53 +0000

Women, Sex, and Relationships in the News

for SingleGirls — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 14:10:30 +0000

Jesus!!! Is this what you guys are watching on t.v.??? I’ve obviously been missing out. Oh, well. Too bad the show was canceled. I guess I’ll catch it on dvd.

The Parkers: “Tae Bo Beau”

for SingleGirls — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 01:45:41 +0000

J.Lo Has A Fashion Line at Kohl’s

for SingleGirls — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 16:00:23 +0000

Amber Rose Sits Down with Bossip

for SingleGirls — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 15:16:48 +0000

My Favorite PostSecrets

for SingleGirls — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 20:50:53 +0000

PostSecret

*What is a PostSecret?*

It’s too soon and you aren’t going to ask but for the record, I would say yes.
Your heart is an idiot.
I still don’t believe you love me.
The truth will come out sooner than we know.
Whenever someone reminds me of the fact that you never forget your first love, all I can think is oh Fuck.
I graduated from high school 1967. So did the girl I love, she never knew. Now, 2 marriages, 1 war, and 40 years later, I can honestly say: There has not been a day in the last 40 years that I have not thought of her with love and regret.
I don’t tell him but flowers are a waste.
No one sends you flowers when you are crazy.
I wish you still loved me the way you did when we drove down this road in Montauk.
I was going to tell you, but then you left.
I gave my boyfriend a shoebox and asked him to decorate it so that when I broke up with him the next month I would have something to store his knickknacks in.
I wear my ring on my right hand around my parents…he’s not my boyfriend…he’s my fiancé.
I still feel it.
I wanted her so bad, until I saw her feet…Sorry.
I was involved in an unhealthy relationship, but could not completely break away. Friends, family, everyone told me I deserved so much more. I knew they were right. I was so frustrated with my hesitation to make a final decision to let go of my hope that he would eventually change back to how he was in the beginning. These Sunday secret gave me the last push to finally break away. It is now over. There Sunday secret made me see the humor in a breakup, the painful sorrow of unrequited love, the bliss of being in love, but most importantly, for me, the hope that ‘good love is on the way.’
If only I could fall out of love with you, I would.
I’m just the receptionist. Your family owns the company. I could have any number of better jobs with my MBA and $100,000 college education. But I stay…because of how you smile at me every morning when you come in the door. I secretly love you.
When you were asking God for me to marry you, I was busy asking God for someone else to marry. I’m sorry.
HIV positive or negative, I still want to spend the rest of m life with you!
I feel more like me when you are there than when I’m alone.
I didn’t enlist to escape you. I enlisted to pay for our wedding. Will you marry me?
I fell in love with a boy who doesn’t love me back.
Your smile makes me want to misbehave.
I’ve become embarrassed by how many times I’ve been in love.
Be mine. Nothing more. Nothing less.
This year for Valentine’s Day, I am giving my sweetheart a box of chocolates I bought on clearance last year.
I will never be blinded by love again.
I wish she could see the world through my eyes.
I hate you for loving her.
I don’t mind being alone on Valentine’s Day. I love the independence.
I want to tell you everything, but I just can’t.
You told me your darkest secret and my heart ached because I realized that I couldn’t possibly love you anymore.
Books get me sexually excited.
(On the back of a sonogram postcard) I know she’s not mine. I love her anyways.
If you’re waiting for a sign, this is it. Do it. It will be amazing.
I wish for a beautiful life.
There is enough DNA on this postcard to convict me.
I have finally spoken my secret aloud, into this envelope, and sealed it forever.
I used to pee into snowballs before throwing them at friends.
I steal small things from my friends to keep memories of how much I love them.
I will never stop loving her.
He was never that into me, but I let him fake it for over a year.
For years I’d hurt myself so that he’d notice me.
Two and a half years after we broke up, I still wear a pair of his boxers.
I broke up with my boyfriend who used to call me “darling” when we made love. And I fell in love with a man who calls me slut when he fucks me.
I’m in love with a man I’ve never met.
I started using speed to get his attention and affection. All I got was addicted.
Without her, I’m ruined.
She never gave me a chance.
I still love you.
I believe in destiny and I think I know mine.
I use sarcasm to hide how ridiculously vulnerable I am.
I like to box with concrete walls without boxing gloves. (The pain in my hands helps me forget about the pain in my heart).
Even if I have plenty of friends, I always feel alone.
I make everyone believe I like to be different but really I don’t know how to fit in.
I go to the movies and try to image what life would be like if only I could fit in.
I’m known as the funny one but I don’t crack jokes to make people smile, it’s because I fear feeling their sadness, without suffering, no compassion.
I stay in a job I hate because I know I won’t pass a drug screen anywhere else. (and I do drugs because I hate my job.)
I’m so grateful to the psychiatrist I saw when I was 19 who told me I would be fine again. He saved my life.
I regret every decision I’ve ever made except my abortion.
When I was a young teenager, I used to baby-sit my next door neighbor’s son. When he was asleep, I would go into their bedroom and go through their bedside drawers. I found a packet of condoms and I’d put a pin through the middle of each of them and thus ensured myself another 5 years of babysitting.
I almost decided not to get out once I knew I’d hit the river.
The nights I sleep the best, I dream about being shot.
I didn’t cry at my grandmother’s funeral. I haven’t cried since.
I believe my grandmother watches me with great disappointment every time I masturbate.
I really enjoy funerals.
I still haven’t told my father I have the same disease that killed my mother.
I once planned to kill my mother.
I can’t tell my mom about the rape, she wouldn’t want to know and it kills me.
I wanted the disease to be my punishment. He kept going and I didn’t tell him the condom broke.
I miss feeling close to God.
While others pray at church I bow my head and think about the TV programs I’m going to be watching.
I had gay sex at church camp. Three times.
Sometimes I really wish I’d just stop talking
I believe I will accomplish something truly great in this lifetime. I am going to be 53 tomorrow.
Everyone who knew me before 9/11 believes I’m dead.
I’m afraid to take the next step.
The best secret I know is there is beauty everywhere if you know where to look.
Psst, Here’s a secret…. Your last mortal thought will be “why did I take so many days—just like today—for granted?”
I am almost 40 years old and I have an unhealthy reliance on my Magic 8 Ball.
At the age of ten, I chose cello because then I could spread my legs without my mom yelling at me.
I haven’t seen my dad since I was nine but sometimes I smell just like him.
My mom chose my step-dad over me.
Every time I see you in the elevator, I want to push the emergency stop button.
When I wear her sweater, I imagine her hugging me.
Sometimes we put up walls. Not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
If he dies in Iraq, I will be lost.
I have kept this postcard for about 7 years. It was given to me by a girl who made me feel worthless, fat, and unloved. She called herself my best friend. 7 years later, I still feel worthless, and I am fat, but now I know I am loved. Always have been.
5 years later, I still wonder why we didn’t kiss in the park that night. WE SHOULD HAVE.

Please always tell them you love them because you never know when they will be gone forever.
I have no idea who I am.
I’ll decide who I want to be.
I think I’m beautiful and I’m willing to wait for someone who agrees.
I’m tired of running away from my troubles. I’m even more tired of causing them.
I gave up my dream because of one bad teacher.
Fantastic amazing things can still happen to an old fellow like me.
I no longer feel the awkward obligation to fill silent spaces with mindless self-centered chatter.
The nicest thing you ever did for me was leave. Good luck finding a new doormat.
I have both a wife and a girlfriend and I’ve never felt lonelier.
I have two master’s degrees and a doctorate and I still feel like a failure.
I’ll never forgive you for not picking me.
Even when she holds me, I feel empty for I am thinking of you.
I hope my illness is fatal so I can have an excuse to give up.
I love and hate being alone.
If you jump, I jump.
I know that I am supposed to be altruistic, but I think you owe me for that party I threw you.
Each day I leave work with a wave and a confident step, come home, close the door and fearfully whisper “they haven’t yet discovered I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing.
When I was a litte girl, my dad was my hero. I’m 26 now and he still is.
I am never going to forgive you.
I think my father is gay. I keep the secret so my mother doesn’t think her life is a lie.
I like to stay up late on the computer to look for answers.
I think GOD is just a big placebo.
I think I look perfect but everyone cries when they hug me.
When I was 14, I found my brother’s gay porn. I also found a book about how to come out. 11 years later I’m still waiting for him to come out.
I cut holes in my boyfriend’s condoms so I can get pregnant.
Sometimes, I lie about the time in the morning so she’ll stay next to me a little longer.
I feel guilty when I accidentally touch my teddy bear between the legs.
I wish this day could have lasted forever.
I was going to tell that I love you…the night that you died.
I’m in love with my best friend.
As an obnoxious 9 year old, I put a spider in my sister’s bed. I thought it would be funny to watch her freak out…too bad it turned out to be a hobo (sp?) spider and she ended up losing part of her leg. 12 years later and she still doesn’t know I put it in her bed. The guilt is killing me.
I’ve always wanted to run through a car wash.
My job is to watch the Art Building’s front door. So I lock one and watch people run into it for fun.
This is the skirt I was raped in last New Year’s. Tonight, I’m reclaiming it.

I know I’m not your daughter.
The autistic boy I work with is teaching me more than I am teaching him.
I love when you borrow my clothes. When I get them back, they smell like you.
I put a cigarette out on my arm because smoking them wasn’t killing me fast enough.
Everyday, I look down at my tiny belly and I wish it wasn’t true. I’ll never forget that date…it’s the day I committed murder. Everyday I miss you and I never even knew you.
Sometimes the dreams that come true are the dreams you never knew you had.
I miss our old problems.
I want a man to try to rape me to prove I can defend myself.
My dreams seem so far away.
When I said “Good luck,” I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want you to do better than me.
My prom date was gay. I pretended not to know.
In high school, I was so desperate for a boyfriend, I dated a guy who went to Star Trek conventions. Today, my friends laugh at what a nerd he was…but I am too embarrassed to tell them he dumped me.
I was raped on a beach. I hate when people talk about sex on the beach as a sexy thing.
I was molested for most of my childhood. Sometimes, I liked it. I will always hate myself for that.
My mom killed my dad long before he killed himself.
I trashed my parents house to look like I had a party while they were out of town…so my mom would think I had friends.
I sabotage all my relationships so I can be a better musician.

I wish I were a popular idiot instead of a lonely genius.

MSNBC: Today Show

for SingleGirls — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 00:49:15 +0000

In case you missed: BET Tribute to Aaliyah

for SingleGirls — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 02:32:01 +0000

The Oldest Method for Paying College Tuition

for SingleGirls — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 06:40:57 +0000

Octomom on MSNBC

for SingleGirls — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 02:18:33 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Monica Talks About Her Marriage to Shannon Brown

for SingleGirls — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 07:45:58 +0000

Unrelated:

Prostitution in the Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic and the push to create “red-light-districts”

Illicit Relations in Dubai

Oh, Timothy!

for SingleGirls — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 22:26:01 +0000

1 Timothy 2:11-15

“A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing – if they continue in faith, love, and holiness with propriety.”

Women in the News

for SingleGirls — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 22:46:25 +0000

Beyonce’s ‘Year of 4′ & Missy Elliot’s BTM

for SingleGirls — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 04:51:33 +0000

Kim Kardashian Slammed. Twice!!!

for SingleGirls — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 03:58:18 +0000

‘I’m so glad I did this x-ray….the whole world has been doubting me – this is the best thing I could’ve done.’

Dads Also Claim to be Having a Hard Time Creating Work-Life Balance

for SingleGirls — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 23:47:58 +0000

In Case You Missed It: BET’s Househusbands

for SingleGirls — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 10:49:50 +0000

First Date Etiquette? Please! Don’t Even Bother!

for SingleGirls — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 03:35:26 +0000

I haven’t posted and original blog entry in a long time, and this one is well overdue. So, I’m going to jump right in.

I am so sick of much of the relationship advice surrounding first dates and what you should do and not do.

It’s total bullsh*t!

*Don’t chew with your mouth open,

*Don’t dress like a whore,

*Don’t talk about your ex-,

*etc etc etc, blah blah blah.

No, really?

You have to be kidding me.

I’m annoyed because I’m convinced that most if not all women who read relationship blogs were not raised by wolves. In other words, I’m pretty confident that most, if not all women (who are still dating by the time they’ve hit their early twenties) already know how not to be repulsive and repugnant on a date—especially on a first date. In a way, this kind of advice suggests that if you go on a first date with a guy and he doesn’t call you back it’s because YOU did something wrong and I know for a fact that’s just not true.♦

ha! these days are over!!!

The reason why I believe this ~~bad~~ advice is given so often is because no one wants to tell you the truth:: guys just aren’t that interested in getting into relationships.

Period.

I’ve said this before several posts back. The dating landscape has changed tremendously. Men no longer need to get married or “go steady” to reap all the benefits of marriage (i.e., sex, domestic help, children, etc.). Even better, guys these days can get to enjoy all the perks of marriage/relationships without the cost or responsibility that comes along with it.

So what does this mean for “first dates”?

It means that for every seven (or so “first dates” a guy goes on, he only expects one to actually lead to a successful, long-term relationship. The rest of the time, a guy will go on a (first) date for one of three reasons: sex, boredom, or ego.

(1) Sex: this is one is a no-brainer. I’ve said before that although men are just as complex as we are, they have different default settings. While our default setting is generally set to emotional bonding, theirs is set to sex. (The jury is still out on whether that’s mostly due to biological factors or sociological ones. Either way, that’s what it is.) In light of this, you should understand that men generally seek sex more often than they seek relationships. But in order to get that sex, they know that they have to ~~pretend to~~ get to know you first. The easiest way to do this is to go on a few dates first. If a guy is not pursuing a relationship, the first date serves one and only one function: to figure out how many more dates he’s got to take you on before he gets you into bed.

Dating can be quite expensive for a guy and no guy (who’s only looking for sex) is going to take a woman on 16 dates just to get sex. Most guys expect to get some by the third date –latest. If on the first date he gets no indication that sex will be easy and/or imminent, he is not going to call you after the first date.

Nuff said here.

(2) Boredom: this reason is not mutually exclusive of the first one. Boredom happens, and so does loneliness. For whatever reason, some guys simply don’t get much contact with (non-relative) members of the opposite sex. So every now and again, just for the heck of it, they’ll ask a woman out on a date. That’s all. Nothing more nothing less. These guys rarely call back after the first few dates. This has nothing to do with you or what you did or didn’t do during the date. This is just one of those things. Nothing more to say here.

(3) Ego: again, this one is not mutually exclusive of the first two. Sometimes a man will ask a woman out on a date for all three reasons — because he’s bored, wants sex, and wants his ego stroked. How many times have you met a guy who came up to you, ask you for your number, and never call? Me, personally? I can say more than enough times not to take it personal. Guys do that sometimes. If a man sees a woman who looks like a challenge (even if he’s not interested or she’s not his “type”), he’ll ask for her number just to see if he can get it. Sometimes, he’ll go a step further and take her on a date. After that, it’s “abracadabra!!!” and you never see or hear from him again. To you, it seems like he just disappeared into thin air. But for him, it was never intended to be more than a simple date or two in the first place. Don’t take it personal and don’t start doing a detailed CSI style forensics analysis of the date. Odds are, you did nothing wrong on the date. He just decided beforehand that he wasn’t going to go further than a date or two.

In any case, I assume you didn’t go on the date and eat your dinner with your feet or swing from the restaurant chandeliers. You don’t need any first date etiquette! You’re not a moron! When a guy sees you, he knows from that very moment whether it’s gonna be a one, two, three or multiple date thing with you. Unless you go on the date, wow him with some hidden talent, and completely exceed his expectations, there’s really not a whole lot you can do on the first date to control whether he’ll call you afterwards or not. That decision, my dear, has already been made.

Anyhow, here are a few signs during or after the first date that will let you know he probably won’t be calling you afterwards for a second or third date::

(1) he’s late.

(2) he’s rude.

(3) he’s dressed poorly.

(4) he’s cheap.

(3) he lets you pay.

(5) he clearly didn’t put much effort into planning the date.

(4) he doesn’t walk you to your car at the end of the date or call you later that night to make sure you arrived home safely.

(5) he doesn’t make an attempt to schedule another (second or third) date within a week of the first one.

(6) he doesn’t call back, ever! (duh!).

So there you have it, one less thing you have to worry about when it comes to dating–first dates. Assuming you don’t act like a bona fide nut case on the date, you’re probably not doing anything wrong. If a guy doesn’t call you back after a first (or second) date, it’s because he’s not interested, he didn’t think you were going to put out fast enough, or he only went out with you because he was bored or to stroke his own ego. Stop obsessing about what to wear, what to day, or what to do. There’s nothing wrong with you.

You’re welcome!!!

____________________________________

♦unless of course you were raised by a pack of wolves

UPDATE:: Shouts out to my best (male) friend who (if there were such a thing as a Male Council) would be hunted and killed for spilling all the guy secrets to me. Also, while he approved this message as “generally true,” he admitted that, oftentimes, it’s even worse than this. Most women, if they don’t measure up in a man’s mind, won’t even get a first date. The man’s intention in that instance will be to get over to her place and have sex with her without ever having to take her out on a date. You’re very welcome!

CNN: TX Changes the Law to Fight Paternity Fraud, but….

for SingleGirls — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 04:00:40 +0000

Women in the News: Casey Anthony, Jada Pinkett Smith, NC Forced Sterilization, and Steve Harvey

for SingleGirls — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 06:43:29 +0000

CNN:: women in the news

for SingleGirls — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 18:57:35 +0000

msnbc: Marriage, Sex, Infidelity

for SingleGirls — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 17:49:14 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Reproduction: The Impact of Racism on Pregnancy

for SingleGirls — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 04:10:52 +0000

My Art, My Love….

for SingleGirls — Sat, 04 Jun 2011 02:59:55 +0000

My friend and fsg follower, Barbara Joas, has just released her 3rd book of poetry! Congratulations to her!

Barbara is a Haitian-American writer and performer. While earning a degree from the University of Miami, she published her first two collections of poetry: Darkness Fell into Light in 2006 and Liberate Me in 2008.

My Art, My Love is her latest creative work coming alive on page.

My Art, My Love uses ideas formulated by dreams and gives them a unique, tangible voice in poetic verse form. This stimulating literary compilation promotes harmoney among artists of all sorts as they endure the endless journey of self-discovery and learn to translate this way of life to all who can relate. From the imagery depicted in “Still Life” to the gritty love woes in “Nonexistent Love,” Joas’ words radiate messages in the most compelling ways.

Also, it’s also downloadable! Just follow the link here:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/my-art-my-love/15665080?productTrackingContext=search_results%2Fsearch_shelf%2Fcenter%2F2

Enjoy friends!!!

Wedding Season!

for SingleGirls — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 21:19:59 +0000

Ok, so you guys know i love the view. Don’t ask me why. I suppose i like to watch women scream over each other while supposedly debating important stuff. Anyhow, you also know that sherri shepherd is getting married. More important, hopefully, you know i think she’s an idiot. Nevertheless, she’s getting married and so are some of you. So here is some wedding stuff. Me personally, i will be getting married in the backyard. None of this matters to me. But if you care, here you go::

Women Over 30 & Dating: Beware!

for SingleGirls — Mon, 30 May 2011 21:01:08 +0000

At the end of an article I read a while back about dating, I found this comment by a man who swore he had the best dating advice. He said::

“I once boasted that the easiest way to get laid was through the hearts of the thirty something women, a horrible, cruel, but effective con. The thirty something woman is the easy prey of the serial monogamists, who is an expert at pretending to be everything a woman wants, but usually only sticks around until just before you find out that he is a fraud, then it’s on to the next woman that will love him more than anything and treat him as a king. This may seem incredulous, but, sadly, it isn’t, and I am not proud to say so.”

Is this something we women over 30 should be worried about?

Let Sherri Shepherd tell it::

My advice would be: after 30, don’t be afraid to date, but be cautious. The dating game is a whole other game after a certain age. You’ve been warned.

CNN

for SingleGirls — Fri, 27 May 2011 08:01:41 +0000

OPRAH FAREWELL & FLOTUS

for SingleGirls — Fri, 27 May 2011 06:21:52 +0000

TODAY msnbc

for SingleGirls — Fri, 27 May 2011 04:54:21 +0000

MSNBC Today: Professional Pick up Artists?

for SingleGirls — Wed, 25 May 2011 15:22:54 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Rutina Wesley

for SingleGirls — Wed, 18 May 2011 21:16:55 +0000

I am constantly looking for images of medium to deep brown skinned women to not necessarily counter the dominant images of lighter skinned celebrities, but adequately represent ALL the women on the wide spectrum of beautiful women regardless of race or ethnicity. Along with kelly rowland, cynthia bailey, and others, actress, rutina wesley is a beautiful, but not widely known, beautiful black woman . You’re welcome!

Infidelity Improved This Woman’s Relationship

for SingleGirls — Wed, 18 May 2011 20:58:51 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Lamar Odom’s Childrens’ Mother Talks About Her Relationship with Lamar

for SingleGirls — Wed, 18 May 2011 02:07:18 +0000

Relationship Quote

for SingleGirls — Wed, 18 May 2011 01:36:02 +0000

Well, my first husband was unimpressive.

I found him in bed

with his big-breasted secretary…when I came home early

from the Maldives.

It was just so unoriginal.

Made me feel sorry for him.

My second husband was a pinch more creative.

Cheated on me with my sister…

…but made me believe that I was insane for being suspicious.

So at least some mind games, some intrigue.

But my last husband, he was a gem.

He was a veritable master at covering his tracks.

I mean, I pored over his phone records, I intercepted his credit-card bills…I had him followed

on numerous occasions…

…and never found a single shred of evidence.

It wasn’t until he died…that I found out about the property

he owned with his Austrian mistress.

But the real master, I have to say, is me.

Three husbands, countless boyfriends,

I haven’t been caught yet.

–Mariel, He’s Just Not that Into You

Let’s Not Forget the Women in the Congo

for SingleGirls — Mon, 16 May 2011 22:58:49 +0000

“Why Black Women Are Less Attractive than Women of Other Races?

for SingleGirls — Mon, 16 May 2011 20:18:26 +0000

Below is an article that’s been making its way around the black blogosphere and other parts of the web. Allow me to say, upfront, that’s it’s total bullshit and anyone with half a brain would be smart not to endorse or rely on anything said within. Just thought i’d share. WARNING!!! THIS IS NOT SCIENCE! IT’S GARBAGE!::

by Satoshi Kanazawa, The Scientific Fundamentalist

Published May 15, 2011

There are marked race differences in physical attractiveness among women, but not among men. Why? Add Health measures the physical attractiveness of its respondents both objectively and subjectively. At the end of each interview, the interviewer rates the physical attractiveness of the respondent objectively on the following five-point scale: 1 = very unattractive, 2 = unattractive, 3 = about average, 4 = attractive, 5 = very attractive. The physical attractiveness of each Add Health respondent is measured three times by three different interviewers over seven years.

From these three scores, I can compute the latent “physical attractiveness factor” by a statistical procedure called factor analysis. Factor analysis has the added advantage of eliminating all random measurement errors that are inherent in any scientific measurement. The latent physical attractiveness factor has a mean of 0 and a standard deviation of 1.

Recall that women on average are more physically attractive than men. So women of all races are on average more physically attractive than the “average” Add Health respondent, except for black women. As the following graph shows, black women are statistically no different from the “average” Add Health respondent, and far less attractive than white, Asian, and Native American women.

In contrast, races do not differ in physical attractiveness among men, as the following graph shows. Men of all races are more or less equally less physically attractive than the “average” Add Health respondent.

This sex difference in the race differences in physical attractiveness – where physical attractiveness varies significantly by race among women, but not among men – is replicated at each Add Health wave (except that the race differences among men are statistically significant, albeit substantively very small, in Wave III). In each wave, black women are significantly less physically attractive than women of other races.

It is very interesting to note that, even though black women are objectively less physically attractive than other women, black women (and men) subjectively consider themselves to be far more physically attractive than others. In Wave III, Add Health asks its respondents to rate their own physical attractiveness subjectively on the following four-point scale: 1 = not at all, 2 = slightly, 3 = moderately, 4 = very. As you can see in the following graphs, both black women and black men rate themselves to be far more physically attractive than individuals of other races.

What accounts for the markedly lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women? Black women are on average much heavier than nonblack women. The mean body-mass index (BMI) at Wave III is 28.5 among black women and 26.1 among nonblack women. (Black and nonblack men do not differ in BMI: 27.0 vs. 26.9.) However, this is not the reason black women are less physically attractive than nonblack women. Black women have lower average level of physical attractiveness net of BMI. Nor can the race difference in intelligence (and the positive association between intelligence and physical attractiveness) account for the race difference in physical attractiveness among women. Black women are still less physically attractive than nonblack women net of BMI and intelligence. Net of intelligence, black men are significantly more physically attractive than nonblack men.

There are many biological and genetic differences between the races. However, such race differences usually exist in equal measure for both men and women. For example, because they have existed much longer in human evolutionary history, Africans have more mutations in their genomes than other races. And the mutation loads significantly decrease physical attractiveness (because physical attractiveness is a measure of genetic and developmental health). But since both black women and black men have higher mutation loads, it cannot explain why only black women are less physically attractive, while black men are, if anything, more attractive.

The only thing I can think of that might potentially explain the lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women is testosterone. Africans on average have higher levels of testosterone than other races, and testosterone, being an androgen (male hormone), affects the physical attractiveness of men and women differently. Men with higher levels of testosterone have more masculine features and are therefore more physically attractive. In contrast, women with higher levels of testosterone also have more masculine features and are therefore less physically attractive. The race differences in the level of testosterone can therefore potentially explain why black women are less physically attractive than women of other races, while (net of intelligence) black men are more physically attractive than men of other races.

__________________________________________

WTF???

Chelsea Handler on CNN

for SingleGirls — Sun, 15 May 2011 18:19:44 +0000

Protecting the Future of Women

for SingleGirls — Sun, 15 May 2011 00:34:15 +0000

The Genius Behind Spanx

for SingleGirls — Sat, 14 May 2011 06:32:51 +0000

Are Black Women Portrayed Poorly on TV?

for SingleGirls — Sat, 14 May 2011 06:20:34 +0000

But here’s a refreshing alternative to the loud, mean, angry, lazy, overweight, eurocentric looking black woman that’s often portrayed in the media.

Babies Born Behind Bars

for SingleGirls — Sat, 14 May 2011 04:36:39 +0000

Videos: CNN

for SingleGirls — Sat, 14 May 2011 04:20:37 +0000

MSNBC Today

for SingleGirls — Sat, 14 May 2011 04:02:35 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

…and all this time, the answers were in the home videos

for SingleGirls — Fri, 13 May 2011 03:29:19 +0000

Dr. Dre as a kid….

The Pill

for SingleGirls — Tue, 10 May 2011 16:53:01 +0000

If I Should Have a Daughter

for SingleGirls — Sun, 08 May 2011 18:37:53 +0000

Happy Mother’s Day!!!

Avoiding Wedding Stress

for SingleGirls — Sat, 07 May 2011 19:16:20 +0000

Jumping the Broom

for SingleGirls — Fri, 06 May 2011 01:10:13 +0000

From this Moment

for SingleGirls — Thu, 05 May 2011 07:24:16 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

First Lady II

for SingleGirls — Wed, 04 May 2011 03:08:41 +0000

First Lady

for SingleGirls — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 22:12:49 +0000

MSNBC Today

for SingleGirls — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 18:48:33 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Nice Girl Syndrome

for SingleGirls — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 21:04:51 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Marriage, Men & PTSD

for SingleGirls — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 00:21:52 +0000

Match.com Sex Offender

for SingleGirls — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 22:38:06 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Samantha Jones 2.0

for SingleGirls — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 11:18:08 +0000

Facts About Sexual Assault

for SingleGirls — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 07:43:16 +0000

No Strings Attached Sex

for SingleGirls — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 19:38:03 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Most Beautiful Woman in the World?

for SingleGirls — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 14:32:58 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Why Men Don’t Listen to Women

for SingleGirls — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 18:07:41 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Harlem’s Daddy Daughter Dance

for SingleGirls — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 02:17:53 +0000

Story @

http://abcnews.go.com/US/father-daughter-bonding-dance-harlem/story?id=13291588

Inspiration for Getting Your Hustle ‘On

for SingleGirls — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 02:37:37 +0000

The Myth of the “Bad Boy”

for SingleGirls — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 00:22:26 +0000

I hope no one who is old enough to read this blog still buys into the “bad boy” myth.

(1) Bad Boys do NOT want to be saved.

(2) Even if they did, you are the not one who is responsible for saving them.

(3) Even if you do, once reformed, he’s going to take his new & improved “good” self on to some other woman.

There is nothing “heroric” about dating a bad boy. Avoid them like the plague.

Women (think they) like “bad boys” for three reasons::

(1) Confidence:: Women like confidence and when we are young and immature, we confuse rule-breaking and a bad attitude for confidence. It’s not the same. Once you’ve had your ass kicked around enough times and you realize that a man can be confident without being “bad,” you’ll grow out of it (of course, if you like yourself enough).
(2) Protection:: Women want to feel safe and protected and we mistake a man who is willing and able to kick someone’s ass on command as a man who is protective of us. Unfortunately, there is nothing safe or protective about tapping into your savings to bail his ass out of jail.
(3) People want what they can’t have:: When a man doesn’t treat us well, return our calls, respect us, or take us places, we misinterpret their resistance and see it as a challenge. Instead of being in a relationship where things are easy and the other person honors us, we’d rather chase after someone whose love and affection eludes us. To that, i have only two words: grow up!

Anyhow, there you have it. Why you think you like “bad boys” and why you shouldn’t.

You’re welcome and until next time,

Ciao!!!

And remember to be kind to yourself–first!!!

Dear FSG…

for SingleGirls — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 19:52:34 +0000

Question: I’m having a hard time determining if my fiance is “on the down low”. I don’t know if it’s because I read the book early in our relationship so I “find” the characteristics discussed in the book in him, or if it’s real.

Reply:: Thanks for your question.

This is not an uncommon concern for women, black women in particular.

In order to overcome this dilemma (i.e., your paranoia about your bf’s true sexual identity), you need to ask yourself, “do I love this person?” and “do I like this person?” and “does this person treat me well and make me happy?” If the answer is no to at least one of these questions, you need to get rid of him regardless of if he’s DL or not. You shouldn’t be in a relationship where you are not happy and not being treated well.

After you’ve figured that out, then you need to follow up with another question: “What about this concerns me the most and what am I going to do about it?” I suspect that most women in this position (I’ve been in this position more than once myself) are concerned primarily with these three things::

(1) Deception:: “My boyfriend is being dishonest about his true sexual identity and I don’t want to be with a person who could deceive me in this way.”

(2) Embarrassment:: “I would be ashamed and humiliated if anyone ever found out that I’m in love with a man who is gay or leading a double life.”

(3) HIV:: “Being consistently sexually active with a man on the DL poses a significant health risk for me.”

As you grapple with these three issues, keep a few things in mind.

(1) Men are almost always dishonest about one thing or another and you wouldn’t be the first woman in the entire universe who’s been deceived by a man.

(2) Similar to the rationalization above, give yourself a break! You wouldn’t be the first woman to be humiliated by a man. Unfortunately, trust is an indispensable component of any relationship. At some point, we each have to let our guards down and trust the person with whom we hope to build a relationship. Never (ever!) blame yourself for loving someone who led you believe one thing when the opposite was actually true.

(3) There are ways to protect yourself against contracting HIV and these are the same precautions you should be taking with a straight man anyway.

If you recall from “the book,” (I’m assuming you’re referring to JL King’s first book), someone asked how do you know if your man is on the DL? and he replied, “If a man is really on the DL, you will never know.” I agree. Men who are highly invested in concealing their (true) sexual identity are very good at covering up their secret life. Trying to uncover this secret will be very difficult and it will only drive you insane.

My best advice is this: if you love him, stay. Relax. And forget about all that DL mess. However, always protect yourself during sex to avoid contracting hiv (if he has hiv). Even if he’s straight, you need to always be aware of your partner’s status. Also, get yourself and him tested for stds and hiv regularly. Know that having an STD dramatically increases your risk of contracting hiv. Anal sex as well. Anal sex is the most efficient way to contract the virus (sexually). If you can avoid anal sex completely, you should. However, if you must engage in anal sex, always always always use a condom. And never ever ever let him talk you into not using one.

In closing, remember, besides catching him in the act, there is no way you can ever really know if a man is on the DL. There are no definite signs. No use in mentally torturing yourself about something so out of your control. Free yourself, relax, and protect yourself during sex and you will be fine.

Also, you can read any (or all) of these entries regarding the subject @forsingle girls::

http://youreablackwoman.com/forsinglegirls/2010/07/12/sex-the-single-girl-part-i-anal-sex/

http://youreablackwoman.com/forsinglegirls/2010/10/10/safe-sex-hiv/

http://youreablackwoman.com/forsinglegirls/2010/07/12/reading-whatever-happened-to-aids-and-straight-men-by-kevin-gray/

http://youreablackwoman.com/forsinglegirls/2010/06/30/reading-aids-are-heterosexuals-at-risk-by-michael-fumento/

Hope it helps.

Ciao,

And remember to be always be kind to yourself–first!!!

I caught feelings…and you (probably) did too!

for SingleGirls — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 21:40:34 +0000

So this post comes on the heels of two posts from two different sources. The first is from our friend Dan Savage and the second from the homies over at ubf (hi guys!). Anyhow, since these days it seems like it’s a lot easier for me to write a reactionary post rather than initiate one by myself, I’m going to jump write in and say this:: don’t get it twisted—men catch feelings too!

There, I said it!

I want to acknowledge something elrock said in his post regarding male and female mutual self-deception when it comes to agreeing to NSA (no strings attached) sex. Oftentimes, women say they can handle a NSA relationship and then it turns out that they actually cannot. Correspondingly, men agree to NSA sexual relations knowing full well that frequent sexual contact with the same woman will eventually lead to some emotional attachment. Look, I don’t care what she says—verbally. If in the whole history of male-female relations you’ve never known a woman to walk away from sex without catching feelings, why would you agree to an arrangement like this?

Put plainly, both men AND women are full of shit when it comes to NSA sex. Despite the parties’ best efforts, these types of arrangements—if engaged in for an extended period of time—often go awry and each party is responsible because they both should’ve seen it coming. I personally believe that past a certain age, women should say no to no-strings-attached sex because we usually get the short end of the stick. But again, make no mistake, men catch feelings too, they’re just lot better at compartmentalizing their needs and being in control of their feelings. They also tend to have more rigid standards when it comes to choosing a partner. That means that they can come to your apartment, watch a movie, eat your kettle popcorn, laugh and joke with you, fuck your brains out regularly and STILL refuse to make a commitment to you. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss you when you’re not around, because sometimes, oftentimes even, they do. And then they start sending mixed signals and soon everything is all fucked up after that.

Another reason why NSA sex gets messy because men underestimate our ability to compartmentalize our needs too.

For example, a man might want to have sex with a woman but avoid becoming emotionally attached to her because he already has a girlfriend, or he doesn’t want a commitment at the moment, or she doesn’t meet his standards for physical attractiveness. However, when he notices that she is more (or equally) comfortable with keeping the relationship purely physical and she’s able to remain emotionally detached, he interprets her self-control as a blow to his ego.

Let’s be real for a moment. If a man can have sex with a woman regularly without sparking any feelings or inspiring any emotions in her, he feels like less of a man. Even if he doesn’t want you, he wants to feel missed, admired, and adored. When a woman doesn’t express these emotions over the course of the sexual relationship, some men resort to game-playing. And then what happens is (trust me this has happened to me and a few of my girlfriends several times and my best [male] friend has admitted to this more than once), in order to gain the upper hand in the relationship, he’ll start saying and doing things to get the woman to invest emotionally (while still himself remaining emotionally detached). Soon, you begin to feel and express emotions and he either withdraws or stops reciprocating and now you’re in emotional turmoil. Then, as always, everything goes to shit.

For these reasons, you’ll find that as a woman, you will rarely win this game. Don’t play it. When you’re in your early 20’s and you’re an emotional mess anyway, you can probably get away with it. But, as you mature and you begin to get some experience behind you, you’re learn that it’s rarely ever worth it. You’ll feel used, devalued, and underappreciated, and as I’ve said before, people who like themselves don’t participate in their own abuse.

Anyhooo, that’s my 3 cents. You’re welcome!

Until next time,

Ciao!!!

(And remember to be kind to yourself—first!!!)

Sex Drives: Men vs. Women

for SingleGirls — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 11:24:00 +0000

Please watch Dan Savage Discuss
How to Make A Long-Term Relationship Work

So, last nite, my bff and I were talking about one thing or the other and somehow, the conversation landed on something Dan Savage said. I forget exactly what it was, but whatever…anyhow, I had been perusing his videos all night until I came upon this one. So far, i think he’s a great advice-columnist and in many of the videos i agree with him. On this one, I agree…to a certain extent.

You heard him. I don’t really need to repeat everything he said, but the crux of what he said here is this: when you agree to be in a relationship, you agree to be sexually available for your partner all the time. (Not every time, but a lot of the time). While his assertion that men expect sexual activity often and regularly is correct, I don’t agree that it’s your duty to oblige him all the time. (Granted, he didn’t say, every time, but he practically said all the time.)

Let me state the obvious, just for a moment:: Men and women are different.

This we know. And I concede that he explained this somewhat accurately in the video.

However, let me clear up a common misconception many people have about male and female libidos. Many people erroneously believe that men have high libidos and women have low libidos (or that men have higher libidos than women). And that’s not true. But its’s easy to believe because for centuries men have defined what a normal libido is (using themselves as the standard, obviously) and rationalized this belief using the “men produce millions of sperm and women release only one egg (per month)” argument. It’s bullshit. Women can be (and oftentimes are) just as horny as men. Our sex drives are not lower, they’re just different. And so are our anatomical parts. Because of our anatomical differences, different methods are required to get a women aroused. (That’s why scientists are having such a difficult time with successfully coming up with a female version of Viagra. Female sexual arousal is still a very big mystery to them and many suspect that diminished female libido may not necessarily be attributed to a physiological problem and perhaps more likely attributable to her mental/emotional health and/or the health of her relationship with her partner.)

And since he broached the topic of monogamy, let me address that too. I suspect that prior to monogamy, women’s libidos were hardly, if ever an obstacle to healthy (multiple) sexual relationships. I believe it’s the routine, drudgery, boredom, and difficulty of monogamy that impacts women’s libidos so. Remember, oftentimes, the bulk of the domestic labor (i.e., cooking, cleaning, child rearing, etc.) in a monogamous relationship falls on the women. When you add a full- or part-time job to the mix, guess what? She doesn’t want it, because she’s too tired (Duh!); a factor that perhaps many of those scientists forget when they conclude that women have smaller libidos than men. (Yes, I’m saying that if we didn’t have to work so hard and if we could have sex with as many partners as we wanted, unrestricted, the female libido would be on par with the male libido.) Unfortunately, most heterosexual relationships are monogamous (or it’s at least expected) and women bearing the brunt of the housework (and emotional maintenance of the relationship) is a reality we simply can’t ignore. Given this, I don’t believe that women should be obligated to have sex all the time–regardless of her boyfriend’s sex drive and/or expectations.

A relationship involves two parties, not one. And if the people in it want to be happy, they each have to accommodate the other. Of course, if you want to keep your man happy, you need to have a healthy interest in sex. However, men need to also show some restraint and learn how to express love, intimacy, and physical affection in ways that don’t just involve sex. I know it’s tough, but if you want to be happy, you’ll both have to meet each other halfway. As a woman, you’ll have to learn how to successfully negotiate this exchange by making sure he doesn’t feel unwanted and at the same time not allowing yourself to feel overwhelmed by his needs. It can be done, like everything else, you’ll just have to work on it. There are other alternatives for how to deal with this (incompatible sex drives), but to me, this is the best that anyone can hope for.

until next time,

Ciao!!!

(And remember to be kind to yourself–first!)

To Ask or Not to Ask

for SingleGirls — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 20:52:57 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Women in the News

for SingleGirls — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 06:43:43 +0000

From MSNBC Today

for SingleGirls — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 05:39:38 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

When Oral Sex Goes Terribly Wrong

for SingleGirls — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 10:31:54 +0000

Semen.

Not my best friend.

I hate the smell, taste, and texture of it.

Unfortunately, oral sex is not going to perform itself.

So somebody’s gotta do it.

And if you like men, you’re probably going to have to learn how to do it and do it well (assuming you want to keep one, even mildly happy).

but i digress…

Ultimately, it’s all up to you. I can’t tell you what to do, but i can safely suggest a few things NOT to do. And this is one of them.

Read below::::

So, a man sued his ex-girlfriend for fraud and emotional distress after she secured a court order demanding he pay child support for their two year-old daughter. The reason? This woman saved his semen after performing oral sex and secretly impregnated herself. No, this is not a new plotline of absurd television show One Tree Hill but actual events that formed the basis of a 2005 legal battle in Illinois.

Although this case is six years old and garnered some media attention at the time, we recently came across it on Professor Jonathan Turley’s blog and couldn’t resist an opportunity to discuss it.

But before we get to the legal issues presented in this case, namely how a man can be ordered to support a child when his sperm was used without his knowledge, the soap opera-esque facts surrounding this situation deserve to be explained in greater detail. Trust us.

It all began when Dr. Sharon Irons (an internist) and Dr. Richard Phillips (a family practitioner) began dating in January 1999. Dr. Irons led Dr. Phillips to believe she was divorced and within a few months, they became engaged. According to Dr. Phillips, the two discussed the possibility of having children and he made clear his intentions: that he did not want children until after they were married and any pre-marital sex would require the use of condoms. Throughout the course of their relationship, they engaged in only three instances of oral sex: they never went “all the way.”

On one of these intimate occasions, Dr. Irons did something rather remarkable: After fellating Dr. Phillips, she held his semen in her mouth (where it was suitable to sustain viability) and then inseminated herself with it. She did not inform Dr. Phillips of her actions.

Dr. Irons also never informed her boyfriend that she was, in fact, still married. Five months into their relationship, she confessed to Dr. Phillips that she was not divorced and he decided to end their relationship.

Fast-forward to November 2000, when, surprise! Dr. Irons slapped her surely stunned ex-boyfriend with court papers to establish paternity and child support for “their” daughter.

To quote Justice Scalia in 1989’s Michael H. majority opinion (a paternity case also dealing with convoluted family relations, although not as entertaining as here), “The facts of the case are, we must hope, extraordinary.”

Extraordinary they are, indeed. And while Dr. Irons’ act of stashing semen away definitely made for attention-grabbing headlines, the media focused more on the sexy- slash-crazy angle and less on the actual law. We decided to explore the legal claims advanced by the parties and the reasoning behind Dr. Phillips seemingly unjust obligation to support a child whose existence was beyond the realm of expectation.

In his suit, Dr. Phillips alleged the unauthorized use of his semen constituted actionable claims of fraudulent misconception, conversion and intentional infliction of emotional distress. A lower court dismissed these grievances, and he appealed.

The Appellate Court of Illinois found that a fraudulent misconception claim was only available for “economic” wrongs, and so dismissed this claim. (Dr. Phillips was suing for physical and emotional harms he alleged that he’d suffered as a result of Dr. Irons’ actions).

The court next turned its attention to the conversion claim. Conversion is “an unauthorized act that deprives a person of his property permanently or for an indefinite period of time.” The arguments on both sides of the conversion claim are worth noting.

Dr. Phillips argued that his ex-fiancé took his property, his sperm, without his permission to conceive a child. Dr. Irons countered by asserting the sperm was a gift: Dr. Phillips delivered it to her with the intention that she keep it because if he really wanted to retain his semen, he would have put on a condom and “kept its contents”.

The court agreed with Dr. Irons: Dr. Phillips cannot claim he was deprived of his property because he did not intend that the semen be returned.

Finally, the court considered Dr. Phillips’ claim of intentional infliction of emotional distress (IIED). To bring an IIED claim, the plaintiff must prove that 1) the conduct was “truly extreme and outrageous”; 2) the defendant had to intend, or be aware that, her conduct would cause severe emotional distress; and 3) the conduct did actually cause severe emotional distress.

The court stated that Dr. Irons’ conduct in deceitfully engaging in oral sex to procure the sperm necessary to impregnate herself would, according to any reasonable person, be considered “extreme and outrageous” conduct (Ed. Note: well, duh). Considering the nature of Dr. Irons’ actions and Dr. Phillips’ clear expression of not wanting a child out of wedlock, the second element of IIED was met. For the actual distress, Dr. Phillips claimed a whole slew of anguish including nausea, loss of appetite, interference with his profession, insomnia and more, which was enough to keep the case alive.

The final decision or current status of the case is unavailable which means that the case is still being litigated or the parties settled.

read the rest here, http://mensnewsdaily.com/2011/02/27/man-receives-oral-sex-ordered-to-pay-child-support/

So at the end of the day, the courts have taken the following position with respect to men who have brought these lawsuits against women who they feel have fraudulently conceived children by them::

The interest asserted by the father on this appeal is not, strictly speaking, his freedom to choose to avoid procreation, because the mother’s conduct in no way limited his right to use contraception. Rather, he seeks to have his choice regarding procreation fully respected by other individuals and effectuated to the extent that he should be relieved of his obligation to support a child that he did not voluntarily choose to have. But [the father's] constitutional entitlement to avoid procreation does not encompass a right to avoid a child support obligation simply because another private person has not fully respected his desires in this regard. However unfairly [the father] may have been treated by [the mother's] failure to allow him an equal voice in the decision to conceive a child, such a wrong does not rise to the level of a constitutional violation.

MTR L. Pamela P. v. Frank S., 59 NY 2d 1 – NY: Court of Appeals 1983

In English, this means, if you’re a man and you don’t want to pay any child support for a kid that you may or may not want, you need to keep your sperm to yourself.

Women in the News

for SingleGirls — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 11:52:46 +0000

Breezy breezy breezy…tsk tsk tsk…

for SingleGirls — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 00:14:40 +0000

before

after

All he needs to do now is get a tattoo on his face and the transformation will be complete!!!

Um, yeah…there goes that theory….

for SingleGirls — Tue, 22 Mar 2011 13:19:04 +0000

and many honest men can tell you this...

A close friend shared this article with me a while back and I didn’t feel the need to address it back then because I figured that most of you would be smart enough to dismiss it. Apparently, I overestimated some of you :) . Anyhow, this is my succinct, no bullshit response to it so here it goes. Oh, and for the record, I happen to personally know married women who exhibit every single characteristic on this list (and then some) and they are still hitched…so, ha!, there goes that theory.

By now, you should have discovered that the power dynamic in the dating game is asymmetrical. Oftentimes, not all the time, men have more leverage in romantic partnerships than women do. In fact, during the courting process, even before the couple has agreed to a committed relationship, men tend to wield a bit more leverage over whether their interaction will progress into a full-blown relationship (or not). So, the overwhelming majority of the time, men are the (as George Bush would say) “deciders.”

This, we know.

Thus, implicit in the you’re-NOT-married-because-you’re-effed-up trope is:: “If a man didn’t choose you, the problem rests with you. Since men are wise, fair, honest creatures incapable of shallowness, poor judgment, or a misdeed of any kind, if you weren’t picked, it’s because you’re broken, wounded, damaged, or defective in some way.” Also implicit in the you’re a bitch-nag-whore trope is: “you, as a woman, can single-handedly determine your dating outcomes; nobody else, nothing else, just you.”

And of course if any message were worded this way, reasonable people would all laugh, call it absurd, and reject it in toto.

Hence, to fashion any kind of advice to women about dating that doesn’t account for luck/chance OR hold men accountable in any way is lazy, deceptive, and irresponsible. And, as a woman, to take or endorse that advice would be slightly more egregious.

Stop letting other people blame all your dating/relationship woes on you. Even more important, stop blaming YOURSELF for all your dating woes. No, you’re not perfect and there’s most likely something about you that is partly to blame for why you don’t have a mate. But you’re only one factor in this whole thing. That common denominator in all your relationships is you bullshit, is bullshit. Grow up! Love yourself! Honor yourself! And accept yourself for who you are. Warts and all.

And quit carrying the weight of other people’s shit on your shoulders. It’s not (all) you. Your shit is heavy enough. Don’t go volunteering to carry other people’s shit too.

And to all the bloggers, radio hosts, “authors”, liars, and Steve Harvey::

What is the harm in saying,

“Hey ladies, here’s the truth about relationships, an incredibly great deal of them require luck/chance in addition to skill. While you cannot single handedly change your experience, here are some things you can do to improve your interactions with men. In addition, there are some things that men do to sabotage relationships, and these are ways to handle/address/avoid them…”

????????

Why does it all have to fall on the woman?

Yes, of course, every dating “guru” has his/her own message and style and they are entitled to craft their message in any way they see fit. However, if they did and they (1) didn’t take into account the short-comings of both parties (men and women), and/or (2) failed to acknowledge the role that luck/chance plays into dating/relationships, that person would be doing a shitty job and you’d need to ignore them.

Anyhow, I have the sickies, and I’m tired, and I’m annoyed, and I’m going to bed.

You’re welcome!

(Oh, and don’t forget to be kind to yourself—first!)

peace!!!!

Just in case no one has ever written A SONG FOR YOU…

for SingleGirls — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 00:20:03 +0000

I’ve been so many places in my life and time
I’ve sung a lot of songs I’ve made some bad rhyme
I’ve acted out my love in stages
With ten thousand people watching
But we’re alone now and I’m singing this song for you

I know your image of me is what I hope to be
I’ve treated you unkindly but darlin’ can’t you see
There’s no one more important to me
Darlin’ can’t you please see through me
Cause we’re alone now and I’m singing this song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I’m so much better and if my words don’t come together
Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there’s no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you

From MSNBC Today

for SingleGirls — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 17:36:31 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

A Couple of Reasons to Stay in School

for SingleGirls — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 19:12:11 +0000

Gang Rape in Cleaveland, TX

for SingleGirls — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 04:05:39 +0000

Quanell X Stages Rally in Cleveland: MyFoxHOUSTON.com

I want a job first!

for SingleGirls — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 02:54:26 +0000

Five-year-old: “I don’t want to marry you yet — I want to have a job!” @ Yahoo! Video

Conservative Backlash Against Female Reproduction

for SingleGirls — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 02:51:01 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

From MSNBC

for SingleGirls — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 18:50:17 +0000

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Motherhood

for SingleGirls — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 18:35:50 +0000

Random Funniness!!!!

for SingleGirls — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 21:42:18 +0000

Take Wifey Quiz

…and American women think WE have it bad!

for SingleGirls — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 09:55:45 +0000

In the united states, men, despite being the numerical minority, marry more than women. This is true for every ethnic group except the Asian male.

According to the 2000 census,

white males married = 49, 191,373

white females = 48,548,635

black men married = 4,847,071

black women = 4,256,440

hispanic men married = 6,554,114

hispanic women =6,148, 764

asian men =2,305,319

asian women =2,601,011

In China, those odds are a lot worse. Read on…

Skewed China birth rate to leave 24 million men single

Skewed China birth rate to leave 24 mln men single AFP – Chinese couples parade during a mass wedding ceremony at a shopping mall in Beijing in 2006. More than …

Mon Jan 11, 2010

BEIJING (AFP) – More than 24 million Chinese men of marrying age could find themselves without spouses in 2020, state media reported on Monday, citing a study that blamed sex-specific abortions as a major factor.

The study, by the government-backed Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, named the gender imbalance among newborns as the most serious demographic problem for the country’s population of 1.3 billion, the Global Times said.

“Sex-specific abortions remained extremely commonplace, especially in rural areas,” where the cultural preference for boys over girls is strongest, the study said, while noting the reasons for the gender imbalance were “complex.”

Researcher Wang Guangzhou said the skewed birth ratio could lead to difficulties for men with lower incomes in finding spouses, as well as a widening age gap between partners, according to the Global Times.

Another researcher quoted by the newspaper, Wang Yuesheng, said men in poorer parts of China would be forced to accept marriages late in life or remain single for life, which could “cause a break in family lines.”

“The chance of getting married will be rare if a man is more than 40 years old in the countryside. They will be more dependent on social security as they age and have fewer household resources to rely on,” Wang said.

The study said the key contributing factors to the phenomenon included the nation’s family-planning policy, which restricts the number of children citizens may have, as well as an insufficient social security system.

The situation influenced people to seek male offspring, who are preferred for their greater earning potential as adults and thus their ability to care for their elderly parents.

The Global Times said abductions and trafficking of women were “rampant” in areas with excess numbers of men, citing the National Population and Family Planning Commission.

Illegal marriages and forced prostitution were also problems in those areas, it said.

Authorities put the normal male-female ratio at between 103-107 males for every 100 females. But in 2005, the last year for which data were made available, there were 119 boys for every 100 girls, the newspaper said.

However, the study said that in some areas the male-female ratio was as high as 130 males for every 100 females, a report by the Mirror Evening newspaper said.

The report said the study urged the government to relax the so-called “one-child” policy and study the possibility of encouraging “cross-country marriages.”

China first implemented its population control policy in 1979, generally limiting families to one child, with some exceptions for rural farmers, ethnic minorities and other groups.

It has said the policy has averted 400 million births.

Researchers said the gender imbalance problem cropped up in the late 1980s when the use of ultrasound technology became more prevalent.

This allowed women to easily determine the sex of their foetuses, leading to an increased number of sex-selective abortions.

___________________________________

How to Deal With Nasty People

for SingleGirls — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 09:26:40 +0000

From How to Deal With Nasty People

by Jay Carter

I read this excerpt from a book a few years back, recalled it today, and decided to share. I sincerely hope it helps someone who’s experienced similar situations and wants to learn how to improve the outcome for these scenarios. BTW::: It works on all kinds of nasty people: bosses, friends, spouses, and loved ones. Ciao!!!

You show up at the master’s house for your daily lesson. The master invites you in, and both of you sit down for a cup of tea. Just as you are ready to pick up your cup of tea, the master pulls out a large stick from under the table and says, “This is your lesson for the day. If you pick up the cup of tea, i will hit you with this stick. If you don’t pick up the cup of tea, i will hit you with this stick.”. This is called the double-bind. You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. This is a techique commonly used by nasty people. So what should you do?

I have presented this problem to thousands of people and 95% of them have been so caught up in the logic of the problem and the thinking of the solution that they cannot solve it. The typical answer is: “Well, I’m going to drink the tea. As long as i’m going to get hit anyway, i might as well enjoy it.” Other people say: “i will slap the master in the face and get one in before he hits me.”

There are two answers that will solve the problem.

The first one is a good answer because it solves the problem while still maintaining a relationship with the master. What do you do in this scenario?

TAKE THE STICK AWAY FROM THE MASTER!!!

The other, not-so-good answer is: walk away. But, this cuts off further interaction with the master.

The whole beginning to the solution is to get out of the introversion-causing logic set up by the violator so you can view the whole situation. The situation involves you, the master/violator, logic, the game. Remove yourself from this situation and from this person’s control. When someone tries to put you in a double-bind, the solution is: don’t internalize, do not take it personally, do not defend yourself. Take the stick.

For example, there was a woman in my class who had a husband who was very mean and controlling. After several sessions of my class, she began regaining her confidence, became self-assured and started asserting herself. Unfortunately, her husband felt very threatened by this and and out of control. So, he gave her an ultimatum, “quit that damn class or end our marriage!”

Logically of course, the choice is easy. No one is going to give up their marriage for the sake of attending a class. But the wife was smart. She knew this was just another way for him to try to gain control so she “took away the stick.” The stick here was the choice. She told him, “no, i am not going to choose. I am going to continue attending this class and if YOU want to end our marriage over this class, then that will be your choice.”

This technique is called mirroring. When the violator tries to back you up to a wall and tried to make you play a game that will have a disastrous affect on you, throw the ball back in their court and let them take the responsibility for the fall out. If you use this technique frequently enough, the violator will eventually stop hitting you.

Law of Averages

for SingleGirls — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 19:28:21 +0000

Why You Are Still Single: The Law of Averages

Why are you still single? That’s the big question. I am going to attempt to answer this question for you and I’m not going to lie to you, bullshit you, or pull any punches with you. This is might hurt a little. (I suggest you read this if and only if you have someone nearby to talk you off a ledge). You will thank me later.

First, let me say this: this is for (√)women who (√)don’t (√)choose to be single. Obviously, if you’re choosing to be single, that reason, whatever that reason is, trumps anything I say here. So before you (even try to) dismiss anything I’m saying, please ask yourself the question first and if the answer is not “because I wanna be single”, you may keep reading.

So you say to yourself, “I’m a good catch. I’m smart. I have a great personality. A few degrees. A mean shoe game. And i can cook. So why am I still single?”

You are still single because: (wait for it…….)

YOU’RE AVERAGE LOOKING!

Ouch!

Sorry.

I know that hurt…

…but it’s the truth!

And yeah, it’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s okay. I give you permission to stop reading this for a while, get up from your computer, and calmly walk it off.

**take a deep breath**and watch this**

Okay, welcome back.

So, what do I mean by “average?”

“Average” is a pretty broad term, so let me take my time to explain it.

There is a place that no one has ever heard of but everyone knows exists. This place is has been dubbed (by pretty much the person who wrote this article) the AAB, or, the Attractiveness Assignment Bureau. Every few years or so, or, after some extensive plastic surgery or massive dental work, we all—uh, yes, that means you too—get a number. That number is usually on a scale from one from one to ten. Now, no one really knows exactly what his or her own number is (although those of us who are even the slightest bit honest with ourselves at least have a ballpark figure) because it varies from person to person, place to place. So, how do we know or determine our ballpark figure? By the everyday response we get from other people.

Why other people? Because the number we get is not absolute, it’s determined by whoever is looking at us. Because the numbers vary, (again, because it depends on who’s looking at us), a more useful explanation, the Tier System (usually numbered one to four) was adopted by the person who wrote this post to help you out. It’s, a broader numbering system whereby people fall in larger categories than with the AAB system. Based on my estimation, though there is a little variation, again depending on whom you ask, Tier One consists of people who have been assigned a number anywhere from eight to ten (8-10). See the rest of the breakdown below:

Tier 1: 8-10

Tier 2: 6-7

Tier 3: 3-5

Tier 4: 1-2

Let me be even more clear. When I say attractiveness, I’m talking about pure physical attributes. This includes: height, weight, hair length, hair texture, hair color, skin texture, skin color, teeth, muscles, chest, buttocks, breast size, facial features, anything detectable by the human eye in public. Sometimes, this also includes external superficial qualities like clothes and style; and intangible or abstract qualities like swagger, confidence, and the way you carry yourself.

Whether you know it or not, you have a number or you belong to a tier. Based on this designation, people will treat you accordingly. Especially in the dating arena.

I know. Sucks, right. But, don’t blame me. I’m only the messenger. And as much as I’d like to preach the power of positive thinking, the truth is, when it comes to dating (and much everything else) it doesn’t work. Your experience in the external world (not your head) is a very real experience; and as much as you’d like to exempt yourself from it, sadly, with or without your consent, you’re still in it. Also, more importantly, you can’t date yourself. So, you can be a “ten” in your head all day long, but if you’re rated a “one” out in the world, that “one” is going to be the determing factor when it comes to your dating prospects and experience.

Now, what is “ideal”?

Do I really have to tell you?

I’m sure you already know. Anyone who owns a television, has ever gone to the movies, or has ever read a magazine, knows what the ideal is. And again, what is “ideal” varies; again, by who’s looking. What a person deems beautiful or ideal, is determined by that person’s race, age, class, culture, religion, geographical region, etc.

For instance, age: what’s attractive to a 40-year old woman is not necessarily attractive to a 20–year old woman. Similarly, race: what’s attractive to a white male, may not necessarily be attractive to a black, Hispanic, Indian, or asian male. Up to this point, I’m sure you know already know all this, I’m just laying the foundation for some more things (terrible things) I’m about to say.

When it comes to dating, barring set-ups, hook-ups, or blind dates,we are all (initially) chosen by how we look. Do not believe the hype! Women judge men on their attractiveness just as much as men judge women on theirs. The concept that men are visual creatures is true. Only problem is, it’s only a half truth. The other half of that truth is this: “Women are visual creatures too.” However, our assessment of men is not limited to physical attractiveness.

Let’s be real for a second and admit one thing about relationships: men have a greater potential to control them. Why? Because in general, men and women have different default settings when it comes to relationships. [when I say settings, I by no means mean to suggest any kind of genetic hard wiring or anything of the sort.] Men have a default setting to seek sex. Women have a default setting to seek attachment. Of course, this is not always the case, but in general, it is. Women are at a small disadvantage when it comes to relationships because men do the choosing.

Look around. Your friends, your family, your classmates and former classmates, your coworkers, etc. You’ll notice something: all the women who are married, engaged, coupled up, or in a serious relationship are what? Either in the top tier or the bottom tier. Again, who gets assigned to what tier depends on who’s looking at them. In other words, if the dating pool available to your group is black, mid-20’s, from the south, and middle class, that’s going to be a different pool from a pool that’s black, mid-20’s, from the south, and working class. You must judge them according to their pool. For example, within my dating pool

black,
late 20’s/early to mid 30’s,
large urban city,
professional,
middle-class,

the ideal [i.e. "beauty"] is tall, light complexion, long straight/curly hair, slender, etc. I am not that. Consequently, I deviate from ideal substantially. This means if these traits are what’s considered beautiful, on a scale from one to ten, i fall somewhere in the middle; somewhere between 4-7 = average.

I can increase my number by doing two things: changing how I look or changing my dating pool.

Above average, or tier 1 and high tier 2 women tend to marry first for obvious reasons—the number and quality of men at their disposal makes it easier for them to choose and be chosen. There’s no magic here people. Below average, or low 3 and tier 4 women, also tend to marry sooner because they usually accept the first thing that comes along. They know that such an opportunity may never present itself again so they ‘re not mean or indecisive. They give more, don’t play “hard to get”, and they tolerate bullshit. [Look around at your friends and family members, you know I’m telling the truth]. As you saw in the video(s) people generally date within their tier. And this is especially true of tier1 and tier4 people.

Tier 1 men usually choose tier 1 women and tier 1 women usually accept. Likewise, tier 4 men usually choose tier 4 women, and those women usually accept. (There are obvious exceptions to this rule.)

Here is where things get real funky—that miserable place in between “3″ and “7.” I’m sure, by some informal, maybe even unconscious method, you’ve assigned people numbers yourself, out loud, in your head, behind their backs, whatever. I know you know that there is a big difference between a “3″ and a “7″. Yet, this range [3-7] or [tier 2-3] is the trickiest place on the scale. Tiers 2 and 3 is where most people fall and if this is where you are, dating is usually hell for you. Why? Of course, because everyone in it believes that they can do better!

Don’t get me wrong. In know that there are people within this range who pair up with one another all the time. Some even appear to be very happy and content with their choice. However, a great deal of us within this range (male and female) just sit and sit and wait and fester in the pool waiting to pick and be picked. This is why:

Since women don’t choose men primarily based on looks (we choose them primarily based on intangible factors such aswealth, intelligence, personality, etc.), the men within this range are allowed to be choosier because they know that they can offset their number with other factors such as wealth, status, or earning potential, and etc. Women don’t have this luxury. Men can get a “bump up,” but women usually can’t. In the end, since women don’t adhere strictly to men’s number/tier, this puts men at an unfair advantage. Worst of all, men know this.

Allow me to illustrate: take Jay-Z, Marc Anthony, Seal (and other men who are low tier 3 – tier 4 material) all married to solid tier 1 women. How does that happen? Obviously, a popularity, swagger, and a few hundred million dollars can get a man several bump up (from tier 4 to tier 1 overnight! It’s magic). For women, no such thing exists. A makeover, plastic surgery, or a major physical overhaul could help, sure, but it’ll only get her very small bump up. And even then, if the change is too conspicuous, she could end up with a bump down (Remember lil kim? Yeah. Tragic.) How about a woman’s other talents like being good in bed. I’m sorry to report that women who are good in bed are no less disposable than anyone else. Why? Because a man reasons, “I can have marry an attractive ‘frigid’ woman and cheat on her with an average, below average woman who’s good in bed.” See? It doesn’t work. But it depends. An older man, who’s been married and divorced, perhaps more than once, may have matured and grown less shallow and when he gets back in the pool, he’ll be thinking, “attractive women who have nothing more to offer a man than looks are useless in the long run. I’d rather take a woman with skills and talents or who can bring something to the table other than a pretty face.” This man will marry a woman who is good in bed in a heartbeat. So, see? It depends.

So this is where the dilemma gets even more complicated. If you are fishing in a pool where the women are in abundance and the men are scarce, you could even find very low tier men pursing very high tier women. Take the most talked about, most maligned, and seemingly unlucky group out here: the professional black woman. This woman is looking for a mate in a pool where the men have the same credentials, but, he’s a rare find. So, what happens is this: the ugly women have already been picked off (or have no hope, so they don’t count), many of the pretty women have already been picked off, and the average women (who been picked off by average men) are waiting on the few average men left to pick them. Because average (but successful) men exist in such low numbers, there was not enough of them to go around for all the top tier women. So top tier women who haven’t been picked off because of the shortage are still in the pool and screwing up the competition for the average women. So now average women have to compete with not just other average women, but also top tier women. That’s women from 10 to 3 all vying for the same men. And, if an average man decides to “settle” for an average woman for the time being, if she’s not careful, he could make her wait a long time until he’s sure every possibility of marrying an above average woman is exhausted. Yes, it’s just ridiculous.

So far, I’ve said a lot and for those of you who get it keep reading. For those of you who are reading this and think it’s absurd. Go ahead, I dare you, look around, ask questions if you have to, and come back. **we’ll wait**

So, let’s get back to advice.

Consider the source!

Oftentimes, you’ll find beautiful** women purporting to give advice on “How to Date” or “How to Get A Man” or etc etc etc, and the truth is, they know nothing or very little about dating! Women in the top tier do not have to say or do much to get or keep a man. If she fits right into his beauty ideal, like a drug, the external validation he gets from dating her will distort his judgment and he will likely put up with just about anything, including but not limited to: a lack of personality, cruelty, lack of intelligence, laziness, rudeness, poor diction, and many other personality flaws that will get a an average woman cut lose without explanation. A top tier woman giving dating advice is like someone giving advice on how to catch a cold. People, you don’t catch cold on purpose, you catch cold by accident! I’d argue that most of their experiences have been either positive or simply different from yours because of yours looks. I saw only blog which purported to tell women what they can do to secure a second date. Booooo!!!! For average women, there is really nothing you can do (other that what you would ordinarily do) to secure a second date. A guy either likes you or he doesn’t. And if he doesn’t (and getting sex from you is neither probable nor imminent), you’re not going to get a call back. Now, ask your average male friends, “If you went on a first date with Halle Berry, what would she have to do to ensure a second date?” I put my life on it, the answer will sound something like this: “Nothing! All she has to do is show up!” That’s many very attractive women’s experience. So always consider the source. These women rarely have the frame of reference to give dating advice in the initial stages (i.e. during the catch and data collection stages). After that, their experience is usually business as usual (i.e. really not much different from yours).

Why am I telling you this?

Because I hate you and I want you to be miserable. No, kidding, this is not true at all. I am telling you this because I think someone needs to make this very clear to you, whoever you are: Unless you are a certified, bonafide, nut, YOU are not single because of anything you did or didn’t do. If the dating process has kicked you in the ass more times than you can count, it’s most likely because of how you look. Oh, and one more thing: there is nothing wrong with the way you look! I hope that every woman looks in the mirror and see’s a ten by her own standards. Unfortunately, society has decided what a ten is, and it only applies to a small number of people. I’m sorry, but there is nothing you can do about it. I have come across too many books, blogs, and magazines which claim to give expert advice on what you should and shouldn’t do when you’re on a date with a man or what to do and not do when you’re in a relationship with a man and the truth is, as long as you weren’t raised by a pack of wolves, you’re probably not doing anything wrong. Even if you are doing something wrong, I can assure you that women who’ve been successful at dating have done or are doing the same damn thing. It’s (mostly) not you! It’s how you look!

Get this:

Men, not all men, but most men (especially in a certain demographic) have already decided what intentions they have for you from the first time they meet you.

Contrary to what many try to tell you, they’re not just “trying this ‘thing’ out to see where this goes.” From the first time he lays eyes on you, he’s thinking, (1) I’m going to do everything I can to get this woman to go out with me, impress her, and get her to become my lady (2) she’s good looking enough to date a few times but we’ll see if she has more to offer (3) I’m going to take her out on a few dates, probably one, but definitely not more than three, and get rid of her as soon as I have sex with her (4) I don’t want her at all. I might have sex with her, but only if she’s easy, it’s really convenient, or I’m drunk. The choices you see above corresponds to your tier. Sometimes you’ll get lucky, but for the most part, this is what it is.

Also, remember that men of a certain age range, especially the teen to mid-thirties age , are particularly concerned with the opinions of their peer group. For instance, he may personally think you’re a 10 but his friends may think you belong in tier 3 or 4. If that’s the case and he’s not mature enough to go against the grain, believe me when I tell you you won’t be going to any picnics, family reunions, or company parties. And that’s if you even get a second date!

Ouch!

Again.

Sorry.

By now, i’ve used up a lot of space and you’re probably thinking “Well, get on with it! What’s an average girl to do?”

I’ll tell you in a later post….in the meantime, learn your number…fix it wherever you can…and get ready for some real advice…

Until then…

ciao

___________________________________________________

**[and by “beautiful”, I mean women who are top tier. Folks, please understand something, true beauty and a person’s AAB score is not the same thing! A person can be a “10” in true beauty, but get a “1” from the AAB, because she doesn’t meet the standard of beauty imposed by society, or her dating pool. Likewise, a woman can be a “1” in true beauty, and get a “10” from the AAB because she even though she’s ugly, she fits into the narrow beauty standard imposed by society. It’s a fucked up world, but I'm just the messenger. Don’t shoot, please!]

Applying Economic Principles to Marriage

for SingleGirls — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 05:16:12 +0000

Reproductive Health

for SingleGirls — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 19:28:36 +0000

ladies, don’t sleep on your reproductive health!

Fibroids

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

When He Stops Calling…

for SingleGirls — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 22:46:22 +0000

How many times has this happened to you? You meet a guy, you hit if off, you go on one, two, three dates, maybe more, and then all of a sudden, he disappears. What gives?

Listen to Courtney and Jesse go through the motions while Ryan Seacrest ~~instigates~~ mediates.

CLICK to LISTEN!!!!

Sound familiar?

For the longest, you have internalized a man’s rejection and taken it to mean that there is something wrong with you. And all these dating books and (pseudo) dating gurus have convinced you that you’re right. But like I’ve said a million times on this blog, it’s not you. If you listened to the Courtney-Jesse scenario, you’ll know that being dumped out of the blue is a lot more common than you think.

When I say, “it’s not you, you did nothing wrong,” I trust that you’re not a certified, bona fide nut case. This means, odds are, when you went out on a date with this guy, I’m pretty sure you didn’t eat your dinner with your feet, pick your teeth at the table, or howl at parked cars. You don’t need a manual to tell you exactly what you do and what not to do — you’re a grown woman! Even if you broke the cardinal rule and talked about your ex- all night, a guy who is really digging you will continue to call you and continue to ask you out on dates.

Do not fall for the “he’s not calling me anymore maybe it was something i said/did on a date” narrative that seems to confine so many women to their beds with a box of Kleenex. The truth is: he isn’t calling because he was never that into you to begin with. We’ve seen it time and time again. A man is on the prowl, looking for some new booty, he smiles, you smile, you exchange numbers, go out a few times, end up in bed, get busy a few more times, and then he’s Casper the ghost. I’m sure this has happened to you more times than you care to admit, but for some reason, you still haven’t connected the dots and found the pattern. Shame on you.

Well, from now on, this is what you are going to do.

(1) Stop obsessing over why he hasn’t called you. Look, you did nothing wrong, and even if you did, there’s nothing you can do about it now.

(2) Figure out a better dating strategy because the one you got now ain’t working for you. If he stopped calling you after only one or two dates, odds are, it’s because you didn’t sleep with him. Thank your lucky stars that it only took two dates for you to figure out who he really is and what he really wanted. If he stopped calling you after a few weeks to a month, odds are, you slept with him too soon. Stop doing that. (Want some advice about when’s the right time to sleep with a man? Read this post: this one.)

(3) Read this. Where to Meet Men.

(4) Read this. The Average Girl’s Guide to Dating.

(5) And read this. Man Law.

As long as you get the concepts in these posts, that’s really all you need. Oh, yeah. There’s one more. The one I call “The Secret Weapon,” but I’ll tell you all about that later.

Until then,

Remember to be kind to yourself — first!

Managing Mistresses (Video)

for SingleGirls — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 22:38:16 +0000

Video:: Why Men Aren’t Manning Up

for SingleGirls — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 20:13:39 +0000

We’ve had this conversation before. Yes. You and I. Remember this?

In that post, I explained why men are reluctant to commit these days and I drew the connection between this and why they seem so preoccupied with adolescent fixations like video games.

In the video below, this lady (says the same damn thing i said but she’s white and she wrote a book so i guess she has more credibility than i do) explains it as well.

Watch the video, and if you have time to waste, read the article at the Wall Street Journal. Or you can read mine linked above.

You’re welcome!

Steve Harvey on Mary Harvey & More Bad Advice

for SingleGirls — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 10:04:46 +0000

Steve gets skewered on The View, lmao!!!!

(pay attention to Whoopi’s face, pure comedy…)

lol @ “real men”

Advice TODAY show

for SingleGirls — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 20:15:20 +0000